I read a quote recently that struck me deeply.
"A past trauma needs to be owned, sorted out and re-imagined so it can become a strength rather than an obstacle" (Thomas Moore).
The part that I like so much is the -re-imagined part. So often we forget that our ability to re-create, to re-dream our experience is an option equal to, if not greater than, accepting the falsified experience of the ego.
Our ego is tender, but it is also creative and innovative. It will dream up and conjure up versions of stories and experience that allow us to survive hurt, pain, and betrayal that we might (as in will) experience in our life. The ego also can continue to play and repeat those stories, just as a record repeats your favorite song, so that we become stuck in that experience and it colors all other experiences similar to it. This can otherwise be known as trauma.
Trauma may, for some, seem like too large a word to use to describe many of our experiences, but I assure you, if someone has betrayed your boundaries, damaged your spirit, or abused and misused you in any way, you have experienced a trauma. And because many of us may be hesitant to accept that that is indeed what has transpired, we are more apt to letting it go, fluffing it off, accepting the projection of another person's darkness onto our soul. This is the worst kind of evil. It is a raping of the spirit.
Now I am no different than others in experiencing feelings of unworthiness, insecurity and self-hatred; (And to the few narcissistic people who dare say that you are above those emotions I urge to move on from this article, as your level of self-denial will get you nothing here) so I know that in accepting the projection of someone else's garbage will seem like the natural thing to do in some circumstances. But to stand strong, to be brave, to be bold and to remember your worth is the true test to your authentic self.
So in this moment, time and space, I am so deeply moved by my highest self, that my racing heart cannot move my fingers fast enough to declare: I will not stand for this. I will not accept, tolerate or condone your behavior. Your intentions are not only misaligned by they are driven by your own mean-spirited hurt, lost, and confused self. I will do my best to honor your experience compassionately, but not as detriment to my own.
I will move forward, unashamed and with an open heart, knowing that my truth is exposed. Your attempts to hurt and to manipulate me have failed. My wise spirit has caught your egoistic attempts to harm me and I have escaped with superficial cuts and bruises, rather than beaten and battered as you have sought.
One might expect a feeling of elation, a victorious dance, or some sort of elaborate display of triumph, but I have none of that. I will move into the dark night and count my blessings that my awakened heart and soul avoided another attempted evil, another test as to how far I would go to stand in my truth, in my light and not the shadow of my past traumas and stories conjured up by the ego.
"...past trauma needs to be owned, sorted out and re-imagined so it can become a strength rather than an obstacle" (Thomas Moore).